Reading fanfiction: My Immortal
by Gotham Champion
Summary: Doing a commentary on bad fanfiction is getting more and more popular these days, so I decided to join in. Please, join me as I commentate on both good, and bad fanfiction. That is, if I can survive this disaster...
1. The Sue

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor do I want to. Anyway, on a less formal note, HELLO people of the internet. It's me, and, unless I change my name in the future, I'm called Gotham Champion. I recently decided to do a commentary of My Immortal. Yeah, cue to the commen-no that's not where it is scroll down a- THERE YA GO**

 **ME=BOLD** Terrible writing=Normal

My Immortal

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **I... won't even try to translate.  
**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Hello Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, why is your name so weird? Not gonna answer?** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Guessed that, do I get a prize (:(:(:(: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO!** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back **Why the highlights?** and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **Minus the highlights.** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Ah... you want to be in an incestuous (might have made that word up, maybe not) relationship?** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **SCOOTLAND YOU IGNORANT STUPID IDIOT** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. **Raise your hand if you couldn't tell... or put it in the review/comments, it's hard to see real people when they're not near you.** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **Sorry, no comment other than she's very self-aware (possibly caused by being the centre of attention for being a vampire) , which could cause her to go to great lengths to fit in, and therefore feel a need to be popular. This could fuel a subconscious need to be the very definition of 'cool', thus explaining the behaviour... Or she's just an idiot, that's possible to.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **... Rather out of character.**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Then why did you say hi to her? And if it's because they're friends, explain this:**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT CONVERSATION**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **No. No it was not.**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **They should teach us this language in school instead of French or German. It would be... interesting.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **Who gives a vampire blood in a room with someone else? Also, why is there a vampire in a school. I think that should be a slight safety hazard.** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Yet more evidence for the subconscious need to be popular. Also, why a messy bun?**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **You know, if your friend ever started to hate this story (could see it happening) she could possibly get SO mad/sad that I'm not going to write the possible consequences down** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **That was unnecessary.**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Why are you only talking about this now?**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **Say it with me; WHAT AN INCREDIBLE COINCIDENCE!**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Does the phrase "No I so fucking don't!" ring any bells?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **I'll look over the whole muggles in Hogwarts thing. I'm saving that anger/things commenters do for later.**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **NANANANANANANANA INSERT-PLUGMAN. Sorry, the Batman fanboy inside me couldn't resist.**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **...Give your answer. Ebony? Anyone there? Maybe she'll be back next chapter**


	2. The Time Changer

**Disclaimer: Same as last chapter**

 **Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **THIS THING SUCKS"**

 **And now, the conclusion**

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **I literally have no idea what to write, so just imagine Batman staring at the Bat-computer in shock for 10 seconds. I managed 4 seconds without laughing, beat that!**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **Am I seriously the only person who is extremely disturbed that a school is giving a vampire human blood when there are children nearby? Also, every word written in this thing is giving evidence for my theory in the last chapter.**

I went outside. **That was... surprisingly simple and normal. Not like this at all.** Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **I'm guessing 'kewl' means 'cool', and no cool boys wear it. In fact, only depressed idiots wear-wait... Yeah, you should be wearing it.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **I don't think that line deserves explaining.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. **As a Christian, there are no words to express the level of anger I feel right now.** On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **That's... not cool. It's the opposite of cool. It's UNcool!** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **Why do people do that anyway?**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **Awkward. Imagine that in a sing-song voice. You know, when your voice is higher than usual and you say it as if singing?**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Tell me in the review if you guess why! I'm betting that for some reason he's jealous.**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **No hot damn tea cakes Sherlock.**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Aw, so cute. Yeah... look I'm building up to a big joke, just trust me here.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Ouch. Mary slutty Sue burn.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled **why crawled?** back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

 **HOW WILL THE MARY SUE GET OUT OF THIS ONE?**

 **WILL SHE BE THE SATING TO THE BLOND'S EXOTIC TASTES?**

 **WILL SHE BE RIPPED TO SHREDS, AND LEFT FOR CREATURE CHOW?**

 **WILL HER HIDEOUS BODY BE BURNT, UNTIL THERE IS NO LONGER ANYTHING TO BURN?**

 **WILL SHE BECOME GRAWP'S GROSS CHEW TOY?**

 **WILL HALF-GIANT DIGESTION BE HER NEW WIZARD RADIO SOUNTRACK?**

 **WILL SHE HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF HER WORTHLESS LIFE AS A COLD-BLOODED(or warm-blooded I don't remember the difference) KEBAB?**

 **CAN THE SLUT STAND BEING PART OF A TTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRIBLY TASTING SNACK?**

 **IS THERE ANY ESCAPE, FROM HER APPALING, NOT NICE DOOM?**

 **TOON IN RIGHT NOW**

 **SAME RANDOM TIME THAT DEPENDS ON WHERE AND WHEN YOU READ THIS**

 **SAME SPECIFIC STORY THAT YOU ARE READING RIGHT NOW**

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **Wait, so Ebony's name is Enoby, but that's not possible because if so it would be that Enoby's name is Enoby, but that wouldn't make any difference because she's still a Mary Sue.**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Driving a flying car into a magical forest, duh. Vampires these days...**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **The suspense is almost palpable... he said sarcastically**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked. **YOU SAID IT'S ENOBY! MAKE UP YOUR MIND.**

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **Why would anyone ever do that?** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **That's wrong. In fact, you should be very scared that the evil person who kidnapped you is leaning in extra close.**

And then… **wait... SH*T**

 **WARNING WARNING WARNING**

suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **Oh good Lord st-** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **How is that pos- STOP!** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **But you said he was- I DON'T CARE STOP!** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **Oh no you had to do that didn't you. That's it, I'm breaking a rule; I'm skipping ahead and reading this entire story without commentating.**

 _ **One Time Jump Later~~~**_

 **That was terrible... I'm going to have to do it aren't I? I'm going to have to change it! Computer: activate emergency protocol 0BC**

 _ **Emergency protocol 0BC activated**_

 _ **~~~An unknown amount of time later~~~**_

 **That was WEIRD. Just so you kno, I've just gone back in time to change the fic so that what was in it originally didn't happen.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. **The changes should be taking affect right about... now!**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **YES! IT IS DONE! I HAVE SAVED THE FUTURE!**

It was….Dumbledore! **I REGRET SAVING THE FUTURE BECAUSE OF WHAT I JUST READ!**

 **AN* Ok, a little explaining; if I were to make this like I was just commentating, it would be a little boring. But, if I put a storyline in it, than it would be much more interesting. And the best part is, it wouldn't have to be in every single chapter; whenever I'm bored, I can just go and put in a plot, maybe even give myself my own villains! I've even got one already! Go check "PT'S Thing Of Comedy" (my old name). And don't worry, the next chapter and the immediate ones following will just be commentary. Probably.**

 **...Plug**


	3. The Potter

**Disclaimer: Same as the last two chapters**

 **Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **Just so you kno, I've just gone back in time to change the fic so that what was in it originally didn't happen"**

 **And now, the conclusion**

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **So why is there another chapter?**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **I don't know how to feel about this drunken Dumbledore. I mean, he swore at the Mary Sue, but he's in this piece of Satanist garbage! Tell me what you think in the review!**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Keep it coming Dumbledore, show the Devil-worshipping duo who's boss!**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **Ok, that is not healthy. Go see a doctor.** Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **So they already know? How?**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **So they didn't know... THEN WHY WERE YOU ANGRY?**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **So true, and** **WHY** **would you do that! I mean, I know kids as young as 13 have sex (which I don't approve of) but still, you hardly know each other! Every word I see in this is adding evidence to the theory I mentioned. And now, I can add 'Gold-digger' to the problems these two have.**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **Yeah!**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **No!**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **No, that's wrong. You should... actually this fits in with the biased to Slytherin Snape. Kudos. But in that case, I'm instead mad that he said, "How dare you?" DAMN IT! I'M GETTING CONFUSED!**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **Good! You deserve it!**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **No. She's a vampire. Have some feelings. Preferably negative ones, so that you're in character.**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out…. **WTF! Oh few, it says 'I', not 'it'...**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **0: oh no** and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **Phew, no sex scene. I was worried then.**

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **THEN WHY ARE THERE MORE CHAPTERS!**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **Have you ever heard of school uniform? Actually, your primitive mind would be unable to grasp the concept.** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Why purple? Also: WHY DIDN'T I ERASE THIS STORY FROM EXISTANCE WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **(ba dum tush)** cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **I am seriously disturbed that no one is making a big deal about the fact a vampire is drinking blood in a room full of children.** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **Good, someone doesn't like her!**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause **the other person was towering over me. He punched me in the face and I died. Everyone cheered.** I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **DAMN!** He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. **Ok, who's the butchered character this time?** He didn't have glasses anymore **... you're not.** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's **You are really not** and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **You are, aren't you?** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. **He hasn't said anything yet.** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot **O:** when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **You mentioned it, not me.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **I wanna throw up.**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. **Let me guess, it's-**

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **Why would anyone call you Vam- Sh*t**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **That's not funny. That is scary. Very, very scary.**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **AH MY EARS!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

 **Next time, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **MY EYES!"**


	4. The Dark Lord

**Disclaimer: If you don't know by now, you're as stupid as this author. Ok, I'm sorry, no one can be as stupid as her.**

 **Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My immortal**

" **AH MY EARS"**

 **And now, the conclusion**

Re-poster's Note: **This is strange... CORRECT PUNCTUATION! GOOD VOCABULARY! IT'S A MIRCALE! Actually, it's a note from the person who reposted this (who I'm using to commentate off of). Let's read!** I also forgot to mention that you should read some of the commentaries people write here, they're hilarious! **Thank you!**

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **No. Keep her dead. She doesn't deserve to have blood.**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz **A** I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git **B** TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **C** Evony **D** isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect **E** SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

 **A: There is no way you got 5 good reviews,**

 **B: You will never get 10 good reviews,**

 **C: Who's 'Evony'? Do you mean Ebony? Because if you do: MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Choose a name and stick with it. Jeez, I have got to stop using caps so much , they're hurting my eyes and imaginary ears.**

 **D: Yes. Yes she is,**

 **E: Actually, I agree. Being a Satanist is bad.**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. **Ok, you know what's coming: FU*K THEY'RE GONNA HAVE SEX AGAIN!** I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?) **If you take away the whole Satanist thing, yes. Wait, she's a Mary Sue anyway. Being a Satanist doesn't change that**. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **That sentence doesn't need any commentary.** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **My, my, word does spread quickly in Hogwarts. One moment it's a rumour that she fancies Draco (like the Mary Sue she is) and now it's common knowledge that he kidnapped her and they had sex. Also, I would say the layout of that sentence was incorrect, but that is not necessarily true...** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… ***Sigh***

 **WARNING WARNING WARNING**

We started frenching passively **passively?** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. **Ok, that's too much information-** Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. **Oh shi-** We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **You have a- STOP** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **YES IT IS!**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm **SUSPENSE**. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **Remember what I said before, you know about that sentence not being necessarily true? Yeah... Oh and in case you're in shock that means Draco was in love with Harry.**

I was so angry. **Wait, is this character development?**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **Is it really?**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **FINALLY! Some real character development! Sure, it's stupid, doesn't make any sense and there are a million other problems with it, but still! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Ouch... Also, this does go against my 'never kill and everyone deserves to live, because if we kill someone we KILLED someone ourselves' philosophy, but seeing as how that doesn't extend to a fictional character...**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **Ok, everyone was expecting that.** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **YAY SNAPE!**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **His mother's dead you inconsiderate slut!**

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep! **You're a Devil Worshiping Slut wannabe. You don't get an opinion.**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **Draco, it's for the better that you let her go! Settle for some better girls like Bella Swan and Anastasia Steele!**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes **then how could she smile at you?** like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **I'm resigned to thinking this is a cannon character. Alright, who gets the short end of the stick this time?** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **I'll just let the stupidity of all that sink in. There you go.**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice **YEAH! GO SNAPE!** but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **So you were with Vampire? More evidence for the gold digging, slut, wannabe popular, idiot theory!**

Everyone gasped. **DON DON DON!**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **Sudden change in narrative but whatever.** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **Again, I'll let the stupidity of that sentence sink in. Done? Let's continue!**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **That... was a bad chapter. Like, worse than normal bad. Well, at least I get to sleep before working on the next cha-**

Chapter 9. **DAMNIT! I forgot, the author decided to add another chapter in the combined chapters!**

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! **WE DON'T CARE!**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **She's sad she won't get any money and will have to become a hooker because she won't be able to get a job.**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! **VOLDEMORT CAN FLY WITHOUT A BROOMSTICK YOU IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU FORGET THAT!** He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice **Wow. Voldemort makes Ebony scared. That is amazing! Well done Voldemort! Well done!** but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **CAT!** Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **Do I really need to mock that sentence!** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Thou must stay in character, so thou must decide only thou can kill him and no one else can because thou is an arrogant idiot!**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Wow. I thought it would take 2.3 chapters for her to figure it out but it took less. I am surprised.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **I don't think Voldemort would give his enemy a weapon...**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Thou should really do that!**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **...ok that's pretty hilarious** "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. **What does having the ability to move things with your mind have to do with any of this?** "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **Slight De ja vu here... oh crap.**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **No.**

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **You expelled someone? Jeez is she the heir to Hogwarts now?**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **That doesn't seem possible. Actually thinking about it- MY EYES! I THOUGHT ABOUT IT! MY EYES! HELP!**

 **Next time, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **HAGRID NOT YOU TO!"**


	5. The Evidence

**Disclaimer: I don't own the story**

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **This seems rather worse than usual.**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. **Good. He's fu*cking Voldemort, be scared of him.** I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 **Very original**. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR **It's going to sound terrible**. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron **RON NOT YOU TO! I MEAN I HATE YOU AND YOU'RE MY 2** **ND** **LEAST FAVOURITE HARRY POTTER CHARACTER, BUT STILL, RON!** (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid **HAGRID NOT YOU TO!**. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **Remember this for later.** or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt **Again, more evidence to my theory!**. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **You really are.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **That's random.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **Hopefully not.**

"What the fuck do you think?" **I'll wager a guess and say: maybe** I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" **Let him kill both of you. Everyone will be happy!** I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **Why would he be hiding behind a wall... if he was masturbating to her voice just then, I will blow up a building.**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **I'll just edit some of that out... there we are! "You fucking muggle bitch" is rather in character.**

I started to cry **weren't you already crying?** and cry **and cry and cry and cry and cry**. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. **Aw, isn't that cute :)! Almost makes me forget that she's a gold digger.** Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily **YAY DUMBLEDORE**! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **Remember that sentence I told you to remember? You know, how he's a vampire so he can't die that way? Well, I have no idea how he's dead, seeing as how that sentence exists. Sadly.**

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **Wait, someone helped you?**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **Or he could just, you know, want to respect your privacy and give you time to mourn.**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists **MY MIND**. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **Why do you have one? I'm talking about the steak, though she does have a non-beating heart**. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me **WTF**! And Loopin was masticating to it **REMUS NO!**! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED **er, you have clothes on**! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **These versions, yes.** I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason **I have no idea who these people are by the way** on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **I was drinking something when I first read this. Pity me.** I took my gun **YOU HAVE A GUN!?** and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **What does that have to do with Dumblydore?**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student **STUDENT**!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST **fu*k**!"

"This cannot be." Snap said **I agree with the perverted paedophile** in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **I agree.**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **Do you even know what factors mean Ebony?**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **0:**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **I agree with the first part of the sentence. Everyone always looks over this, but seriously, this is almost as disturbing as having a Vampire in Hogwarts!**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **Doing what, and also, you're the one wanking to a school girl Loopin!**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **I-I don't know.**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **YES! RIGHT THERE! YOU NAILED IT SNAPE! Anyone wh- wait, since when does goffic=connected to Satan?**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **You have got to be fu-**

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **Wait, what was that about Cedric?**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy **Oh, it's turning into one of THOSE fics, isn't it?** but I knew that we must both go together. **So, if you slit your wrists then you DO die? WHAT IS HAPPENING!?**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **That was random.**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **I think he'd know if his scar hurt, idiot...**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Yeah, what happened? I'm curious, what happened and what are we missing?**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **I don't find that funny. Not at all.**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **Why do you ne- MY MIND HURTS AGAIN! I seriously think that I need some help.** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz **You can't have paedophiles in a school anyway, especially after they express that kind of behaviour**. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **De'ja' vu.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **But I thought that Hagrid was already there, and how am I supposed to supply funny commentary when the continuity is all screwed up? It might be an affect of the time travel. Probably is now that I think about it.**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **But the story already said that he was goffik (or gottik)!**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **Yes Hagrid, what are they (are they poisonous, do they kill vampires?)**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong **Yes** ) to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye **is she getting raped now!?** and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **The day you say something wise is the day that everyone loves Justin Bieber.**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Spellous sayous Latinous!**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **Yes, I know they were black. I got that from the words 'huge black flame'.**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **Dumbledore, you were good when you first arrived, but now... I'm sorry but- I can't say it... You- you're- YOU'RE BEING PORTRAYED LIKE IN A DUMBLES!BASHING STORY! RUN! GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN!**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. **RUN DUMBLEDORE! YOU DON'T HAVE ALOT OF TIME!** dUMBLydore lookd shockd **FU*K TO LATE!**. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **No. No he isn't. Who are you, badass!independent!Harry? And why was that not set out as usual? Maybe it's just my computer? I'll find out later anyway.**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **We really don't care.**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **0:**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

 **Evidence for my whore/gold digger theory in 3** We both looked at each other for some time. **2** Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… **1** we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **There it is ladies and gentlemen! It has been a very bumpy ride but we are there at last! Finally, concrete evidence that she is a gold-digger! Oh, I know what you are thinking none-existent My Immortal fanboys: 'But when some people lose loved ones they sometimes jump into another person's arms for comfort!' To them I say this: wait a few lines.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle **Go McGoggle!** who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **-_- BOOM EVIDENCE!**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **That was random.**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Yeah, what happened? I'm curious, what happened and what are we missing?**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **I don't find that funny. Not at all.**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **You don't deserve a sweater! Yeah. I went there.**


	6. The Boring Chapter

**Disclaimer: Own this I do not, hum.**

 **Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **Dumbledore, you were good when you first arrived, but now... I'm sorry but- I can't say it... You- you're- YOU'RE BEING PORTRAYED LIKE IN A DUMBLES!BASHING STORY! RUN! GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN!"**

 **And now, the conclusion**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **And we get off on a bad start.**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **The suspense is well founded. Anyone would be scared of a friend (in loose terms) being Voldemort's bondage victim.**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **Dumbledore, I am so sorry. I couldn't save you from the story.**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **I agree. These are despicable snobs.**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **Dumbledore, are you okay? I mean, no one's ok when they're in My Immortal, but are you as okay you can be?**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." **0: I did not expect that. It was actually a good plot twist (I mean, once you disregard the fact that he's out of character, but we abandoned the idea that these are faithful representations of the characters at the first sentence.)... Ok it was terrible.** then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **Depends on the gay guy.**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. **That is not healthy. Go see a doctor. Preferably now.** Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **NO NO NO NO NO NO! You know what, I've been too good to this thing, I am putting my foot down! You can't just cast a spell and go to Voldemort's lair! If it was that easy, he'd be dead already!**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"

"t was….. Voldemort! **Does that mean Draco's dead again? What was the point of bringing him back to life? Wait, don't tell me, it's because the author sucks.**

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **If that was true then this story wouldn't have made it this far.**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **Warning: This is a chapter in My Immortal. Those wishing to possess any IQ above 1 may wish to avoid.**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **There are no words to properly explain this paragraph. Just know that it sucks.**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **I actually have no idea what that means. That speech was so bad I can't make sense of it.** he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun **WHY A GUN!? You are wizards, use magic.** he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **I can actually feel my IQ dropping.**

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" **"No"** asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily **Is it wrong that I agree with that?**. Then I stabbed him in the heart **Though that is pretty fu*ked up to**. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **Ouch.**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **Why are you crying? Is it because you realised that you're a gold digging whore?**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! **I am not laughing...** We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **Ok, I laughed at that.** So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS CRYING!**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **That last bit seemed unnatural.**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **No, that's Ebony.**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **Ok, that's true.** Hargrid says he's in love with me. **Don't remind me.** Vampire likes me **I repeat what I just wrote** and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **Fair enough, but he's a bit too much on the dead side for my tastes.** I just wanna be with you ok Draco! **She says to keep him from realising that she's a gold digger.** Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful? **As a Christian, there are no words to express the level of pure HATRED I feel right now!** " I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) **Well those people are idiots.** "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **Strange, I can't help but feel that we've read something like this before.**

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **Why are you mad at him? Surely you would want to keep pretending to love him in order to keep your cover.** I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire **Is this a love triangle now? Jeez, she's worse than Bella**. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work **She should be doing anything but advanced work**. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **What does transfiguration have to do with biology?** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! ***Sigh* I don't know.**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **I disagree!** Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. **Draco, be honest. Do you just want to fu*k her, or be with her. Either way you're an idiot.** I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) **When did this happen?** right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **Believe me, I want to. Also, I think that the singing Draco isn't the real Draco. I think that when she was transfiguring things (still don't know why) Ebony's subconscious need to be the most popular person made her transfigure something into who she thought would be the most helpful person in fulfilling her desire. The real Draco probably committed suicide again.**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers **AGAIN, I'm getting a feeling of De'ja' vu** (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin **why is the pedo-wolf at Hogwarts again?** shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **A bit convenient.** We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

 **Well, those were actually the most boring chapters so far. I'm serious! The main reason that I couldn't make many good jokes was that I didn't have good enough material! Anyway, see you later.**

 **Next time, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **Who knew Voldemort was such a good singer"**


	7. The Coward

**Disclaimer: I don't own My Immortal**

 **Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **Well, those were the most boring chapters so far"**

 **And now, the conclusion**

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **A: You can speak Japanese? I don't buy it. I find it hard to imagine that someone with the limited brain capacity that you possess could comprehend the processes of speaking Japanese. B: Well done Raven, and congratulations with breaking ties with the Satanist. Anyone who would do so –even for a limited period of time- is ok in my book.**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **0: Ok Ebony, I hate you and all (as do all the readers) but if your transfigured boyfriend gets a boner from someone who's not you, you should re-transfigure him or ditch him, even if you're a gold digging slut.** I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched **I'm sorry, are we missing something?**. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. **Do people actually do that?** Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **DON DON DON! Also, who knew Voldemort was such a good singer. And wait a minute *laughs for a full minute* Does that mean that, if this is the real Draco, he got a boner from the guy who had him bondage?**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **Wait, what?** I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **What is going on?**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **You mean when you kidnapped her and had sex in the forest? And also (I know I'm saying that a lot) does that mean that the whole Voldemort's band thing was actually an hallucination?**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **An escort to Hogsmeade which is less than 2 miles away.**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" **Or he's just an idiot.** I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **I think he just gave you his answer.**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **Or he just likes those songs and it has nothing to do with you?**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." **Just for the record, I don't know what that means, but seeing as how this person is an idiot I'll just wager a guess that it was supposed to mean hi.** she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in Japanese **More or less the same thing** ). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." **So shouldn't Ebony be expelled because she's, you know, an idiot?** (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **No. That is incorrect.**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said. **And any chance of them becoming friends again is thankfully thrown out of the window with that line.**

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **0: You sick, sick sociopath.**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **Oh no, it's time for boring school girl shopping trips.**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **If that means that she stops being your friend, hopefully yes.**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **(Let me just turn off my sarcasm measurer for a moment, it would explode) OH THX SATAN! I WZ WORID FR DA MOMENT DAT YOU R A PREP!**

 **(Sarcasm measurer now has been back on)**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!) **Who, vampire?**. Or me.

"Dumblydore. **DUMBLEDORE!?** " She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go." **Why were you in his office?**

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **How can he be hotter than him, but not be hotter than him at the same time?** and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **Seems that Lupin is returning to his paedophilic roots.**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **:0 'very low-cut with a huge slit'**

' **low-cut with a huge slit'**

' **huge slit'**

' **HUGE SLIT'**

' **HUGE SLIT'**

' **HUGE SLIT'**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. **Don't waste your products on her. She's not worth it.**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. **Disagree.**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" **Is it just me (more than possible) or has that 4** **th** **word changed.**

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight." **VOLDEMORT NO! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!?**

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **SUSPENSE! DRAMA! CINEMA SINS RIP-OFF!**

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **Raven, don't do it.**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **0:** back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **I won't bother.**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **Bet you that she to is a slut!**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. ***RAGE*** B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires **NEVILLE NOT YOU TO!** They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed. **If anyone's making fun of anyone, then you're the victim.**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **Wait, what? I mean, I guess that Ebony's subconscious predicted that this would happen or something, but what about YOUNG VOLDEMORT?**

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" **WOHO GO VOLDEMORT!**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **Wow, Dumbledore's badass again! That is, if you can ignore the poor choice of clothing.**

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he **trin** 2 be gofik so der!

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **Look, this is... not interesting at all, so what happened the night before?**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) **...I suddenly wish I never asked.**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **Oh Lord, I'm in Hell.**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. **For once, I agree with the Mary Sue, this needs a explanation.** B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. **Look, we don't care, explain all this.**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped. **But you already knew that it was Dumbledore, why are you confused?**

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **Me to! Explain!**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?" **I think that it's terrible.**

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **I can't believe that Dumbledore wants to be a goth!**

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. **I am dying inside.**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **He's a little old for that.**

I was so fucking angry. **Something we both have in common.**

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11 **Ebony's a pureblood? But Draco called her a Muggle bitch!**

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **Wait, didn't this already happen? Also, WE DON'T CARE!**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive. **Is he cheating on you? I wouldn't be surprised.**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **Depends on the guy.**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) **Oh no he's in his emo phase. I mean, more than usual.**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted. **Jeez, you always have to make it about you, don't you Ebony? Why can't you just let someone's life not revolve around you for a change (besides the fact you're a gold digging slut who has a subconscious need to always be the centre of attention)?**

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the do

or. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **Why is this in caps?**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. **YOU CAN'T APPARATE IN HOGWARTS YOU FILTHY SLUT!**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore. **Oh, that kinda makes sense, Dumbledore can apparate in Hogwarts. Though that doesn't explain why Hagrid's with him.**

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?" **Perverted old man.**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u."

Chapter 20.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again. **My eyes are being poisoned.**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo. **SO WHY ARE THEY IN HOGW-wait Snape?**

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. **Why would she have condoms, did Draco leave some over?**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

"Fuker." He said, gong away. **I notice we didn't get an answer to that. Take that however you like.**

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 **0:**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now) **Who's snake, is that Snape? He's a teacher!**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) **Wow. That's actually correct. I'm surprised.**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. **That is wrong, I don't care if the Paedwolf did it to you, that is immoral and wrong.**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. **So you tell them to run off- then run off like a cowardly little bitch. Seems in character.** They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." **...** Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? **0:** 2 the concert?" **Oh phew.**

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it. **Oh that's... so creepy and stalkerish.**

….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. **Jeez, get a room you two! Actually, never do that.** I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **And no one cares!**

 **Next time, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **My mind wants to commit suicide"**


	8. The Lack of Next Time

**Disclaimer:**

 **Bizzaro: Gotham Champion owns My Immortal and all related characters!**

 **Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal:**

" **That is wrong, I don't care if the paed** o **wolf did it to you, that is immoral and wrong."**

Chapter 21.

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! **So you insult Raven, and then ask for forgiveness? Seems like something you would do.**

Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **He just spotted his whore of a girlfriend in the arms of his ex-lover. I think he's anything but ok.**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. **WOO GO DRACO!** He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **I don't think you can run in a suicidal way.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily. **Or he could just want to give him a hug.** Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) **I'm sorry, but I still can't get over the fact that no one is concerned about crying blood! That is a very serious issue!**

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. **Well, since Hogwarts accepts paedophilic werewolves as teachers, cat janitors aren't that much of a stretch.**

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. **Wait, since when can you see an invisible meowing man?**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way. **Vampire you idiot, cats have extra sensitive ears! (I think)**

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! **No. Just no.** He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1 **Why did you need all the... just then?**

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school. **WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THIS! Also, seeing as how Draco already died because of slitting his wrists, there is a glaring continuity error here. Considering for a second that the author is reading this for some reason (and that this is not a parody, which it well might be) let me explain something to her: continuity is the act of keeping the timeline straight, so that events happen in a particular order and do not disregard events that have already taken place, therefore making it so that there is not a plot point that is completely at odds with another. Take, for example, Draco; wherein an act that has already killed him is repeated for much nicer consequences on his part.**

 **Another thing that I've forgot to mention that is –coincidentally- arguably a continuity error when taking into account the previous paragraph. Dumbledore said that Draco died from slitting his wrists, yet the next time we see him he is in the hands of Lord Voldemort. Therefore, there is a possibility that Voldemort broke into Hogwarts, captured Draco, conjured/transfigured something into a replica of him (though dead) and escaped Hogwarts, ALL WITHOUT DUMBLEDORE NOTICING! This points to a massive level of competency on Lord Voldemort's part. However, this would also mean that Voldemort broke into Hogwarts for no reason whatsoever. Please, consider all that for a moment.**

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. **I've got nothing. I seriously can't think of anything that can accurately express the level of stupid that I just read.** Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 **So you could hear someone knocking on the doors when you're, in your beds, and in your coffins?**

Chapter 22.

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz **mr. noris** itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 **I think we can all agree that you suck the most.**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped. **Suspense! Drama!**

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! **Continuity mistake alert: In traditional Harry Potter Cannon, it is proven impossible for males to enter the Girl's Dormitory.**

I opened my crimson eyes. **Your eyes were already open, so how can they open just now? They'd have to have been closed.** Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. **Vampire/Harry does like wearing baggy clothes, doesn't he.** Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words ' **Bich' is not a swear word.** and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle **WTF! WHEN WERE THESE TWO GIRLS? WHEN WERE THEY IN THE ROOM?**. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire . He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **This paragraph and the entire previous paragraph is completely and utterly stupid.**

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?" **Yes, that needs an answer**

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice. **Disagree, she's a cheap slut.**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." **Was that sentence meant to be put like that?**

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. **0: you did not just go there. YOU DID NOT JUST FU*KING GO THERE!** She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!" **What is this, a chance for some actual, non-contrived character motivation?**

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge. **A: Dark Lord, not Bark Lord. B: YES! ACTUAL CHARACTER MOTIVATION! C: Why is Dumbledore not closing the school? He would in these events seeing as how innocent, child lives are at risk.**

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **Aside from firing Dumbledore as headmaster, I agree with her! Seriously! Wait, I read that wrong. It actually says: "YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" So that means they want the one person who could possibly defeat Voldemort in a duel to leave a school which is a target of his.**

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort **And he is Harry Potter!** and she **Oh no, the author is actually going this route.** is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **...Well at least her name is back to normal! Wait, not even that, because 'Enony'.**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. **As you should seeing as how that one piece of news is capable of changing your life forever. Preferably by ending it.**

...

Chapter 23.

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! **Or they could just be mad at the fact that this exists. They want this to be killed. Killed with fire. And so do I.**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.

"MR. WAY WHAT THE **BEEP** ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her. **I'm sorry, but are we missing a piece of information that no one wants but you are probably going to tell us anyway?**

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!" **Oh yeah, I forgot that Enoby can make doors that were previously open be closed in between chapters. -_- Stoned face.**

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. **Again, really sorry, but I am really confused as to what is going on. Please enlighten me...**

 **Actually don't, I don't want you to.**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1" **Draco, why do you want to sh*t next to her?**

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other. **So Harry and Draco are fighting over who should get to sit next to the Mary Sue. Seems like the classic case of being near Enoby-to-many-middle-names-Way. GET IT! It's funny because a lot of Dumbledore bashing fics, which seem to always be terrible, use that when Harry is complaining about how Dumbledore has manipulated him all of his life and stole money from his numerous vaults.**

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort!

 **Does that mean we get to see an epic Dumbledore-Voldemort duel? AWESOME!**

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. **I think the author has mistaken the fandom that she is poising for an –admittedly better- one.** **I'm sorry, but you know it to be true. Harry Potter is nowhere near Star fu*king Wars.**

"Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!" **Wait, so you're telling me that Voldemort broke into Hogwarts...**

 **To kill a emo kid's friends- ONE OF THEM IS HARRY YES GIVE US SOME AWESOME ACTION!**

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling. **That can't be it... You know what, fu*k this author.**

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.

"No!" I screamed sexily. **Not in that sentence.** Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice. **Hopefully no.**

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up. **Damn.**

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **Mind... melting... Must finish... terrible... story.**

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though." **Wait, who?**

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went. **Rather rude.**

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions. **Wow, an actual good idea! I'd never have considered this story capable of it!**

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it. **I can feel my IQ slipping away.**

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?" **After class, seeing as how she is apparently teaching Professor Trevolry's lesson.**

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3." **What the heck just happened?**

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die.

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **It means that you're a Devil worshipping slut. Burn her. Burn her in a very painful way.**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." said Proffesor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving.

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **Ok, that's pretty weird. Not just that paragraph, the chapter. And everything beforehand.**

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1 **The day people do what you say is the day I kill you. That's right. In an alternate universe/dimension thing where an easily exploitable loop hole allows me to kill you!**

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine. **Imagine that, or try to. It's very difficult, and not just because of the pure stupid.**

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. **That's not healthy at all you idiot.** We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. **I see that Draco had no pants on before. I think that is something any author would feel worth mentioning.** Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. **Not this ****ing sh*t again!**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. **Is it over? I can't tell y eues are c;psed!**

 **Translation: Is it over? I can't tell because my eyes are closed.** I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair. **You know, I could easily make a joke out of this. However, I think anyone who would make a joke about a person savagely murdering someone else is a monster.**

 **Note* Whilst I don't agree with any sought of murder, that was a joke. Please laugh.**

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111 **SIRIUS AND LUPIN NOT YOU TO-wait Lupin? Am I reading that wrong and that actually means Lucius?**


	9. The Next Time Strikes Back

**Also known as 'Wherein I don't check for spelling errors'**

 **Disclaimer: Do we even need Disclaimers? I mean, the site is called ! You'd think that it is self-explanatory that we do not own the story or characters that we are making stories with.**

 **Last time, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal:**

" **Okay, that's pretty weird. Not just that paragraph, the chapter. And everything beforehand."**

Chapter 26.

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11 **You were being racist the entire story you ignorant daughter of a idiot for giving birth to you!**

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. **WHY?** Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened. **Is this about the dream? If so then you're worse than Bella.**

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!" **No one, it was a dream. Do you understand the incredibly simple concept?**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor." **Please, we all know that Dumbledore doesn't give two sh*ts about your dream.**

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office. **Seems in character enough, though why you would be allowed in the office without a password is beyond me. Oh wait, it isn't. The answer is lazy writing.**

"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem." **It wasn't a vision, it was a dream, plain and simple!**

Dubleodre started to cockle. "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **Yes, give us an answer.**

I glared at Dumbledore. **Please, you don't just GLARE at Dumbledore! He'll expel your ass!**

"Look motherfucker." **What did you just say?** he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped **WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?** (c is da toot of crakter). **YES YOU FU*KING IDIOT! IT IS FU*KING OUT OF CHARACTER YOU FU*KING CHEAP SLUT!** "U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!"

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?" ***Angry sigh* Insert rage here.**

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. **Well, I guess Dumbledore would at least check if someone was dead, but STILL! Also, Ebony doesn't have the intellectual capacity to infer from one detail where in the world something was happening/happened, even if it did! Evidence for this is that she has never before shown that she is capable of anything that does not involve being an idiotic prostitute.** After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **So I guess that Harry's an actual vampire now! Surprising turn of events.** We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **Why is the professor here? I doubt that she has any business in matters.**

 **The only way that she would have any authority here would be if Ebony had predicted the future or the present, but we know that she didn't because the two people who got their assess kicked are still alive. Unless I am mistaken, YOU CANNOT CHANGE TIME.**

Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u **Please take a moment to process that completely and utterly wrong statement.**

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111 **I don't know whether to laugh or cry.**

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. **Unless me, and most probably everyone else, has missed a significant plot point, Ebony didn't save anyone. She just dreamt about some people dying,.** Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine. **What the heck did I just have to read? Seriously, those last 2 sentences make no sense!**

"Cum on Enoby." said Proffesor Sinatra. She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and fuking black platinum boots. "I have to tell you the fucking perdition." **This author has failed miserably at the task of creating a cool character. The product is that of an emo, attention seeking prostitute.**

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded. **And they are nodding because...**

I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said… "Tara, I see drak times are near." She said badly. She peered into da balls. "You see, you must go back in time."

 ***BEEP BEEP BEEP* In case you're curious, that was my contrived-plot point sensor. I've been trying to get it work for ages now, but it will only work when the plot point is so over-whelmingly bad, it emits a low frequency pulse that activates the alarm!**

 **...The bad plot point gives of something that make the alarm go off.**

She took out a Time-Toner like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" I shook my head. **The fact that Voldemort is literally incapable of love (because of the love potion-induced birth) makes that plan null and void.** "U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it." **You know, it just hit me. This story is not just bad, it is insulting. It is insulting to anyone who has any human decency, and is insulting to anyone who has the patience to even try to attempt to improve the level of quality in writing in general.**

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sadly. **What in the name of Oz is the 'dethz tuch sin'? I'm guessing it translates from:**

 **Dethz tuch sin= Death touch sin**

 **I think that would be rather fatal.**

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire. **Actually I'm with these two here, what happened to Drake?**

 ***The author of this story would like to apologise for that horrendous joke, and will attempt to never sink to those levels again.***

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises. **The underlined words are a disgrace against humanity.**

I put on my Invisibility coke with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether. **Since when did the author tell us that** _ **\- BOOM**_ **!**

 **That noise was the sound of the contrived plot point machine going into overdrive, and blowing up.**

Chapter 28.

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111 **0:**

We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it. **I may be mistaken, but didn't you say that crosses are one of the only things that can kill you? If so, why have you got them on your NAILS?**

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. "The problem is….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. **Given the predicament, that is believable if it was another character. However, because it's not, it is not believable, and therefore BAD.** Vampire hugged him.

"Itz okay Eboby." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly. **WTF is going on?**

Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. **Yeah, I skipped that scene, and I advise you do the same. If you didn't, I both applaud and pity you.** Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111 **F*CK YEAH THEY'RE BACK!**

Chapter 29.

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily.

"CUM NOW!1!" **I think they were already doing that.** Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. ***Facepalm*** We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket. **Once a paedophile, always a paedophile...**

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily.

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. "Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. So give back da camera!1111" **Draco's a demon, I knew it!**

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly.

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. **Joy and love to the two professors!** She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. **If these are sex toys, I am going to have nightmares for a month.** Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). **Ok, I'll agree that Tom Felton is a very talented actor, but –and I'm getting of topic here, feel free to skip- that does not excuse the faults of his character. Sure, in his later years he was given more character development, and I actually felt for him during Half Blood Prince, but that does not excuse one simple fact: He is a RACIST! Granted, one may be able to make the argument that in a civilised environment, he wouldn't share those views, but that's true for EVERYONE! And I absolutely HATE the fact that people (usually the Twilight crowd) forgive his faults because his actor has a pretty face and has a fair bit of talent!**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then….. he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. **I'm confused here, you are** _ **wizards**_ **. You have** _ **magic**_ **. Don't you think a spell would be more usefull?** They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand. **Oh right, because the Mary Sue always has to be the one with even the slightest bit of intelligence, which she DOESN'T HAVE!**

"Crosio!" I shouted. **Yet another thing to add to the list of irredeemable qualities that the whore has.** Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. **FINALLY! Some common sense from a adult!** She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. **Who the faqk is Evergreen?** Remember the cideo u took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 **Oh no its 50 Shades Of Grey- Potter Version**

Chapter 30.

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111

"No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then… he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11! **The fact that I'm not going to make a comment is terrible.**

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

"U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1"

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded.

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive.

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape. **A: Since when do you** **have that power? B: I don't think you need to tell them to distrust him, they all heard what he said.**

"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted.

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him….

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came.

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go."

 **The underlined words shall make you have to get brain bleach.**

 **Next time, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal**

" **THE FINAL CHAPTER!"**


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